WOMAN FALLS IN LOVE WITH MARRIED MAN WITH KIDS, SAYS SHE CAN’T CONTROL


Why no one loves me…

I’m friends with this guy for years. I’ve watched him start dating, get married, and become a father.
I’ve watched his babies grow up to become little toddlers and preschoolers. I didn’t consider him to be anything as I have already given up on settling down. I’m too messed up and I didn’t want to commit to anyone because I’ve had my heart broken all too many times.
I don’t believe in love and promises anymore.
Then I became attracted to him when he started to spend more time with me at work. I think I’m in love. He’s so caring and thoughtful even when he doesn’t expect anything from me. I’m surprised he can remember little details about me, what I like, and what’s my preference. He knows how I like my coffee done but I guess he remembers others’ preferences, not just mine. I feel so special whenever we connect. I can’t help what I feel. Is there something?
I try so hard to fight this feeling but I find myself drawn to him. I seek his presence. I find myself dreaming of what it’s like being with him. A part of me started to try and dig out info about his wife. She’s an acquaintance so I barely know her. I confided in a friend who knows her and instantly regretted it.
My friend shut me down, said I don’t even know if he likes me, I should just forget it.
Why do people like to straight away shut down my feelings? I’m not saying I want or that I can have him. Wouldn’t that be up to him? I know there’s nothing. Can’t I have these feelings without being judged? I didn’t do anything wrong and yet I’m already the bad guy.
Love is blind or not blind after all? Now I worry my friend will ruin my friendship with him. I don’t think I can bear it if I lose him.

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