WOMAN FALLS IN LOVE WITH MARRIED MAN WITH KIDS, SAYS SHE CAN’T CONTROL


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Why no one loves me…

I’m friends with this guy for years. I’ve watched him start dating, get married, and become a father.
I’ve watched his babies grow up to become little toddlers and preschoolers. I didn’t consider him to be anything as I have already given up on settling down. I’m too messed up and I didn’t want to commit to anyone because I’ve had my heart broken all too many times.
I don’t believe in love and promises anymore.
Then I became attracted to him when he started to spend more time with me at work. I think I’m in love. He’s so caring and thoughtful even when he doesn’t expect anything from me. I’m surprised he can remember little details about me, what I like, and what’s my preference. He knows how I like my coffee done but I guess he remembers others’ preferences, not just mine. I feel so special whenever we connect. I can’t help what I feel. Is there something?
I try so hard to fight this feeling but I find myself drawn to him. I seek his presence. I find myself dreaming of what it’s like being with him. A part of me started to try and dig out info about his wife. She’s an acquaintance so I barely know her. I confided in a friend who knows her and instantly regretted it.
My friend shut me down, said I don’t even know if he likes me, I should just forget it.
Why do people like to straight away shut down my feelings? I’m not saying I want or that I can have him. Wouldn’t that be up to him? I know there’s nothing. Can’t I have these feelings without being judged? I didn’t do anything wrong and yet I’m already the bad guy.
Love is blind or not blind after all? Now I worry my friend will ruin my friendship with him. I don’t think I can bear it if I lose him.

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